the asthmatic locksmith

Sunday, January 25, 2004:

Fun with toothpicks

My all time favorite lock-sticker is the toothpick. There are tons of ways to make a lock malfunction. Superglue, dirt, break a key off, screwdriver... but the toothpick has to be the best. It is my fav because the perpetrator is not totally at fault for screwing the lock up. You see, all you have to do is break a toothpick in half in a keyhole. The person using the lock does the real work. Once someone puts a key in a lock and is met with some resistance what do they do? They jam that key into the lock until it works. Well in this case all that does is wedge the toothpick in tighter making it impossible for the key to work the lock!! Man I love it. I also point that out to my customers who have had this problem. They never really want to hear me tell them how funny it is. Well I have to enjoy my job a little.

Daniel // 3:17 PM

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Saturday, January 10, 2004:

Yes...at long last!!

It finally happened to me. The years of thankless service, blood spilt, backbreaking work have been rectified. Last night I finally got a tip. Just so this will not be considered in the "fish" story category I want you all to know that I have a witness. Given he was a tad drunk and in his 'jammies but a REAL witness. Here's the deal. Last night after opening a truck the lady asks me after paying, "Can I give you a tip?" Which I replied something to the effect of, "Sure." Then she asks, "Can I flash my tits?" Which I replied something to the effect of, "Yes". Then I happened. The Asthmatic Locksmith once again needed his inhaler. That little drunk lady had a fine rack of teets on her. I really feel vindicated for all the extra work I have done.


“Teets’ Like tits on girls”---Mr. Watson

Daniel // 3:16 PM

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A former Formorian who realized the reality relating to a-fact-a-mundo.

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